Love story-9
Sarah and Gerard met on an internet site on 2nd March 2004, a site called Findsomeone and after reading her profile Gerard decided to message Sarah and very soon after that first contact they exchanged phone numbers and were spending long hours on the phone just talking about nothing and everything .
Gerard really enjoyed talking to Sarah, she seemed so sweet and genuine. One evening while talking on the telephone Sarah must an astonishing statement telling him that “ he was the one “ and that they would be together forever. Gerard was overwhelmed by the way Sarah talked to him but at the same a little uncertain about the situation thinking that it all seem a little bit too sudden and and He was a firm believer that when something was too good to be true it usually was. Sarah asked him when He would be travelling to the Gold Coast as she couldn’t wait to meet him. He was excited and thought this internet dating site was fun, Sarah seemed like a nice girl and He had nothing to loose by meeting her. She had sent her photo and He liked what I saw. Sarah was a very attractive woman.
They planned to meet on the 18th March 2004 but He changed his mind made up an excuse about an infection to his elbow, an infection He really had a few months earlier. They talked on the phone every single day and also chatted on line and their conversations were getting steamy. He thought not only was he going to meet a beautiful woman but a great weekend of sex was coming up his way.
CHAPTER 2 : THEIR FIRST WEEKEND TOGETHER
Sarah picked Him up from the Airport on that infamous 1st of April and that it should have been a sign that they were meeting on April fools day. He remembers seeing her for the first time standing tall and rather nervous. He wasn’t disappointed as she seemed even more beautiful as He had imagined. It was definitely love at first sight.
They hugged and kissed and she drove him to the hotel He had booked for the next nights : The Versace in Main Beach.
Within a few minutes of arriving at the hotel they were already making passionate love and had an amazing romantic night. To this day Gerard had never met such a beautiful person, so kind, so gentle and loving, a real lady who was only willing to please him and make him happy. When she drove him back to the Gold Coast airport 3 days later He was sad to leave but at the same time happy to have met such nice lady.
CHAPTER 3: FALLING IN LOVE
They saw each other every weekend after that and talked on the phone every day and every night and they were finding out more of each other. A few aspects of her life seemed a little unusual but he wasn’t going to over analyse the situation. The fact that she had a son and a daughter and that her children lived with their father seemed a bit odd to him as he was in the opposite situation and had custody of his children since separation from his first wife. He never questioned it because in an earlier conversation online when they were finding out more about each other Gerard had assumed that her children were with her, she simply told him that her children didn’t live with her and that there was nothing sinister about it.
He also found out she was sharing a house with 2 male friends which didn’t really please him but the fact she would never offer to show him where he lived bothered him a little bit but he tried not to worry too much about it.
In early June 2004 Sarah made the first of a series of stunning statements, she asked her employer for a transfer to Sydney so that they could be together. Sarah told him that we were going to be together for the rest of our life we may as well live together. He was a little uncomfortable with the idea as it seemed too soon but he had already fallen for her and told her that it was a great idea.
The more he thought about it the more unsure he felt because cracks started to appear in their relationship, while on the Gold Coast one weekend and after sleeping on the floor after a small disagreement with Sarah he told her that she wasn’t giving him what he needed emotionally but he loved her with all his heart and he also believed that she loved him. She assured him that she was sorry and that she would change, Gerard didn’t want Sarah to change, he simply wanted her to open up to him and not be afraid to show her feelings. In Mid July 2004 He flew to the Gold Coast so that Sarah and him would drive to Sydney in her car and start their life as a couple in Sydney. A few days before leaving he found out that her car needed major repairs that had to be carried out before driving to Sydney but that Sarah couldn’t afford to pay so he offered to pay to get her car fixed.
She finally asked him to stay over her place on the last night before moving out. Sarah also came out with another stunning revelation the day before driving to Sydney .
So Sarah moved out of her place , her car packed with all of her personal belongings but no furniture as she sold him all of her furniture which he gave to his eldest son who lived on the Gold Coast as well. Sarah and Gerard were taking a walk when she told me that she had Herpes .Gerard was a little shocked but was trying not to show his emotions but it was a admission she should have made much earlier and certainly before they became lovers. He thought anyone with genital herpes should inform any new prospective lover before becoming intimate. He loved her, she had moved out of her apartment , she had left her job and sold her furniture but had choice but to tell her not to worry about it but also thought that Sarah should have been more honest about the situation.
CHAPTER FOUR: SYDNEY
During that 10 hours drive he didn’t think it would have been possible to have so many arguments with one person, every aspect of his driving was criticised and he was already questioning whether or not he had just made a huge mistake.
Gerard and Sarah lived in a comfortable high rise apartment with two of his children in Artarmon. The apartment was less than a kilometre from her work. They lived in that apartment for the next 3 years and he did everything he could to make her feel comfortable. Her financial contribution was non existent as she didn’t have to pay any rent, didn’t contribute for food nor any bills. He also included her in his Health insurance plan so that she could eventually get some dental treatment she needed and an surgical operation that she would have eventually in June 2006 in a private hospital in St Leonards.
During those 3 years he took her too various holiday destinations twice in Hong Kong , once in Phukett, New Caledonia, as well as Adelaide, Tasmania, Hamilton island, Cairns and Hervey Bay.
In Sydney he took her to concerts, major sporting event various shows. He bought her many gifts, jewellery, flowers like any man would do for the woman he loved.
Perhaps he may have been excessive when doing certain things, He knew she loved flowers and he had sent her oriental lilies previously when they lived on the Gold Coast, he would normally send her 3 dozens each time, not sure exactly why so many perhaps to express his love but she explained to me not to send her that many he wondered if he would ever please her.
He also cooked for her every single day except of course when I took her out to dinner. He would always try to cook something she enjoyed because he just wanted everything to be perfect for her.
He also paid for someone to come and clean the house once a week to make her life that little bit easier.
At various time she commented that they weren’t a real couple because they didn’t have a joined bank account. He didn’t see the need for a joined bank account as he paid for everything anyway as she never offered to contribute. The only expenses that he was aware of were cigarettes, and paying for the airfare for her daughter to visit them every few weeks.
Their life together was never easy but he could understand that she missed the Gold Coast so he was trying to be as understanding as possible. They had various arguments and threatened to leave many times but actually never left.
Gerard admitted that he probably was not an easy person to live with as she told him many that he was grumpy and moody at times which he admitted but sometimes Sarah would make some extraordinary statements that would really hurt him and change his mood.
Sarah had only been in Sydney a few weeks and on a Saturday night we both seemed a little bored so he suggested they’d go out and have a few drinks and maybe dance a little, her reply was simply No, so he asked why not, Sarah answered “ because I don’t want to “ . He then said : “ but Sarah you love dancing” She then replied if we go dancing, many guys will ask me to dance, you’ll get jealous and get into a fight.
The first time Gerard actually danced with Sarah was at a Bunnings function, they only danced for a short time but she commented how he had no rythm, He became so paranoid about her comments that he took some private lessons and he has always been uncomfortable to dance with Sarah ever since. Gerard may not be a good dancer but he enjoys dancing and it is something he would have liked to do on a regular basis but somehow Sarah felt uncomfortable to dance with him because he couldn’t dance. He confronted her about it and she told him that she was just been honest.
Sarah was telling him on a daily basis that she loved him but he admitted he didn’t always feel it. Words are never enough, unless they are backed by actions that match what is being said. Saying you “love” someone so much easier than really loving them. Should Sarah have claimed that she loved him when she hurts him consistently with her actions . In his book it would not be considered love.
Love is something you are sure about there is no doubt. It’s a strong feeling you can’t explain, But you know – because you can feel it. Everyone can show love, but can they feel love. He was just a romantic fool.
Love is a mindset that commits one person to engage into actions that include sacrifice, respect and compromise for the purpose of benefiting the person being loved. They are carried out with respect to the other person. Without respect, there’s no love. At various times he felt that Sarah didn’t even like me let alone love me.
He had to be so careful as had to be very quiet in the morning. He always woke up happynd if he sang he was told to shut up or to be quiet and if other people were around and he was telling jokes she would make unpleasant remarks such as “ you are not funny, cant you see people are not laughing with you they laughing at you “then very often his mood would change and would become a little sad . Gerard understood that Sarah was not a morning person so he wasn’t allowed to touch her, kiss her or hold her in any way in the morning, as a matter of fact during their seven years together not once in the morning she would stay in bed to hug and kiss . Her actions were not of someone who loved him.
Love is the feeling deep inside that tells you when you are apart that you desperately want to be back with your loved one. It is the feeling of wanting to be as one, together! One of the most important things is that Sarah and Gerard should have been each other “best friends” He always considered her before anyone else. She was his “world”, his “rock” and he always loved her unconditionally 100% of the time even when he didnt like her. Gerard wanted to tell the world that he loved Sarah and he wanted to grow old with this beautiful person. That’s what he wanted but he didn’t feel happy and thought it was because his love wasn’t returned.
In his book the only way you know someone loves you is by how much sacrifices they will put up to make you happy. Being unselfish, caring about you more than herself. It goes both ways though. If everyone thought of what would make their lover’s happy instead of what makes them happy, they’ll be a overflow of love. Love is sacrifices.
He believes and feel if Sarah loved him she wouldn’t have done anything not to hurt him. And knowing we all are imperfect he felt that if a problem was acknowledged then they should have come together with unconditional love and worked it out. They should have appreciated each other for their worth and help each other when they were in the need of one another.
Finally he didn’t feel that she loved him because he couldn’t see it in her eyes, in body language and in her attention to him. She would tell him the love he wanted only exist in movies and is not real.
Their sex life never reached the heights of our first weekend together at the Versace, Actually it became very regimented ,her favourite answer was a simple “NO” If he was feeling romantic He d say Darling lets go to bed together? She would almost always say No. He actually remembered once while holidaying in Tasmania, they were in Hobart and after a nice dinner he suggested that they’d go back to their room , Sarah replied that she wanted to play the pokies, so he replied we can play the pokies anytime, so again she replied NO I am playing the pokies so he went up to the room alone as she played the pokies the next 2 hours.
Her constant rejection started to bother him as it happened more frequently. Sometimes he would get so upset that he would leave the house and go for a drive. When he tried to discuss it he would be told not make a big deal and to build a bridge and get over it, one of her favourite expression.
There was never any spontaneity about their sex life and he soon realised that the only times she was willing to make love is when she would tell me “Can I have a massage tonight? “ . She actually made a stunning statement many times that she wouldn’t care if she never had sex again. She is not frigid and has no problems reaching an orgasm but at times he felt so paranoid about her constant rejection that he actually wondered if there was a problem with him.
Sarah and Gerard had many fights, perhaps too many fights but after a fight they always reconciled. Engaging in a sexual reconciliation after a long, gut-wrenching argument makes the entire acrimonious experience worthwhile unfortunately he never experienced “make up sex” with Sarah; Believing that pleasure and pain are inherently connected and when in pain, the endorphins are released not only to minimize pain, but also to create a sense of power and control to survive the situation. Adrenaline and dopamine levels — associated with desire — rise in the heat of the fight and serve as a substitute for foreplay, creating the perfect storm for hot sex that he wanted to experience with Sarah but never did.
Gerard admitted that he always picked on Sarah for smoking for a long time which on face value is very unfair considering that his previous wife smoked. In a matter of fact it never worried him Sarah told him when they first met that when she’ll know that they will be together forever she will give up and she would start to cut it down immediately and he thought that it was such a nice gesture that anyone would give up their habit to demonstrate their love for someone. It made him feel so special.
Gerard was actually led to believe that she had given up smoking for 3 years until one day during an argument Sarah told him that she actually never gave up but just pretended to make him happy. He thought that it was ridiculous to go to that extent and told her but she replied that he was trying to change her. It couldn’t be further from the truth, its not the smoking that bothered him it’s the broken promise, and more importantly it the lie, her demonstration of love by giving up your habit that he had found so touching was just another fake. Why lie for so long about something so petty, a lie is a lie no matter and it amount to deception. He wondered if Sarah lied about her smoking and carried on lying for so long could it be that she could lie about other things?
CHAPTER FIVE : THE GOLDIE
In May 2007 they made plans to move to the Gold Coast and actually moved in July 2007, After staying a few days at his parents Gerard and Sarah quickly found a brand new 3 bedroom townhouse and Sarah agree that she would contribute to half of the rent as her daughter was moving in with them and that he would have additional expenses as he had to commute to Sydney 3 days a week every week but he would continue to pay for all other expenses. She had also told him that she would always take him and pick him from the airport which never happened.
If his life with Sarah was bad in Sydney it was going to get much worse as they started to fall further and further apart. He was away in Sydney 3 days a week, Sarah’s lifestyle had changed a lot, gone was the cleaner, she was also being a mum again as her daughter lived with them so she had to start cooking and cleaning as well as working full time and of course for the first time she had to contribute by paying half the rent.
Gerard chose to ignore all the cracks appearing in their relationship and they bought a 3 bedroom townhouse, he came up with enough money for a deposit, stamp duty and associated expenses and she agree that she would pay half of the mortgage repayments and I continued paying for everything else although that last couple of months he stopped the weekly food shopping and would only buy what he would deemed necessary as the majority and fruits and vegetables would just end up in the bin a few days later. He continued to buy her gifts and took her to 3 more overseas holidays and had another planned in February 2011 and a trip to Vegas to get married in August next year.
CHAPTER SIX: A SAD ENDING TO A SAD RELATIONSHIP
Sarah was working hard trying to get that promotion she was promised and finally in August 2011 she became the administration manager, so to keep up with a new status she bought a brand new car on Finance and after 10 years she finally got the job she wanted.
Sarah became more arrogant at home, less interested in home duties as she spent more and more time at work and became more and more distant at home and on the 9th October 2010 after another petty argument Gerard told Sarah that we couldn’t live together anymore and that they should end their relationship now.
The next day he regretted having done what I did and I talked to Sarah about it but she made it abundantly cleared that she wasn’t interested as she wasn’t in love with him anymore, she didn’t love him anymore and that she had no feelings whatsoever for him anymore. He was deeply hurt but couldn’t understand why as it was what he had wanted for a long time. So he kept trying to win her back for the next few days until he realised that it was really finally over.
He also realised that it was the best thing that could have happened to him as he had been only a stepping stone for Sarah. She is now a much more marketable commodity, after all she is now an administration manager with a brand new car and was about to lease a brand new apartment.
Sarah asked for a financial compensation so that she could simply walk out, not worrying of the financial mess she would leave him in and within 2 days she found a brand new townhouse to lease, got a payout from him, a payout she did not fully deserve as there is very little equity in the family home as properties values have declined the last few years but she proved again that she is a very selfish woman and strangely enough all the people around her think she has been hard done by but Gerard will give Sarah the opportunity to come clean and apologise but if you are reading this now it means that she didn’t and that she had no remorse then Gerard will want his story told about this evil woman who sold her soul.
On Friday 22nd October 2010 Gerard had decided to give Sarah one last chance to show him that she had some decency left in her and that she would finally say the 3 words he wanted her to say and mean “I am sorry” Here are those notes:
GOODBYE SARAH
I will probably not say everything I think but I will definitely think everything I say
We all want to be on top of the mountain forgetting that it is how we climb that matters
A new job doesn’t make anyone a better person.
We only have the right to look down on someone when we help that person to get up
We should never forget the person we were yesterday
You must always tell what you feel and do what you think
Then everyone will know you are
Tomorrow is another day and we are all given an opportunity to make things good
It’s never too late to say you’re sorry
Take time to Say : I’m sorry, forgive me, please, thank you and all the nice words you know
Noone is going to remember you if you keep your thought secrets, force yourself to express them
Goodbye Sarah, goodbye my lover
You were the one , you were the one for me
I wanted to spend my whole life with you
I was sharing your bed but I wanted you to share my dreams
It should never have ended like this
You broke my heart, you shattered my dreams
I forgive you Sarah but your honesty is a must
and you must always be true to yourself.
So next time when you meet someone special
If you both want to be happy
All you must do is love each other
It is a simple and as difficult as that.
No lies No games then
No one gets hurt.
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNT SARAH
I’ve learned that no matter how much I cared, you just wouldn’t care back
I’ve learned that I could not make you love me. All I could do is be there to be loved. The rest was up to you.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that even when I thought I had nothing left to give, I should never have given up on you.
I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that sometimes when we’re angry we have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me us right to be cruel to each other.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other and just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other. I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease my emotional pains.
I’ve learned that I can love even if I don’t feel loved. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t have been so eager to find out a secret. it changed my life forever.
I’ve learned that I should have to put you ahead of your actions.
I’ve learned that it won’t be enough that I forgive you if you don’t believe you have nothing to be forgiven for.
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that’s only when I gave up that I lost the battle.
I’ve learned that I can’t stop loving you even when I know that you don’t love me.
Gerard really enjoyed talking to Sarah, she seemed so sweet and genuine. One evening while talking on the telephone Sarah must an astonishing statement telling him that “ he was the one “ and that they would be together forever. Gerard was overwhelmed by the way Sarah talked to him but at the same a little uncertain about the situation thinking that it all seem a little bit too sudden and and He was a firm believer that when something was too good to be true it usually was. Sarah asked him when He would be travelling to the Gold Coast as she couldn’t wait to meet him. He was excited and thought this internet dating site was fun, Sarah seemed like a nice girl and He had nothing to loose by meeting her. She had sent her photo and He liked what I saw. Sarah was a very attractive woman.
They planned to meet on the 18th March 2004 but He changed his mind made up an excuse about an infection to his elbow, an infection He really had a few months earlier. They talked on the phone every single day and also chatted on line and their conversations were getting steamy. He thought not only was he going to meet a beautiful woman but a great weekend of sex was coming up his way.
CHAPTER 2 : THEIR FIRST WEEKEND TOGETHER
Sarah picked Him up from the Airport on that infamous 1st of April and that it should have been a sign that they were meeting on April fools day. He remembers seeing her for the first time standing tall and rather nervous. He wasn’t disappointed as she seemed even more beautiful as He had imagined. It was definitely love at first sight.
They hugged and kissed and she drove him to the hotel He had booked for the next nights : The Versace in Main Beach.
Within a few minutes of arriving at the hotel they were already making passionate love and had an amazing romantic night. To this day Gerard had never met such a beautiful person, so kind, so gentle and loving, a real lady who was only willing to please him and make him happy. When she drove him back to the Gold Coast airport 3 days later He was sad to leave but at the same time happy to have met such nice lady.
CHAPTER 3: FALLING IN LOVE
They saw each other every weekend after that and talked on the phone every day and every night and they were finding out more of each other. A few aspects of her life seemed a little unusual but he wasn’t going to over analyse the situation. The fact that she had a son and a daughter and that her children lived with their father seemed a bit odd to him as he was in the opposite situation and had custody of his children since separation from his first wife. He never questioned it because in an earlier conversation online when they were finding out more about each other Gerard had assumed that her children were with her, she simply told him that her children didn’t live with her and that there was nothing sinister about it.
He also found out she was sharing a house with 2 male friends which didn’t really please him but the fact she would never offer to show him where he lived bothered him a little bit but he tried not to worry too much about it.
In early June 2004 Sarah made the first of a series of stunning statements, she asked her employer for a transfer to Sydney so that they could be together. Sarah told him that we were going to be together for the rest of our life we may as well live together. He was a little uncomfortable with the idea as it seemed too soon but he had already fallen for her and told her that it was a great idea.
The more he thought about it the more unsure he felt because cracks started to appear in their relationship, while on the Gold Coast one weekend and after sleeping on the floor after a small disagreement with Sarah he told her that she wasn’t giving him what he needed emotionally but he loved her with all his heart and he also believed that she loved him. She assured him that she was sorry and that she would change, Gerard didn’t want Sarah to change, he simply wanted her to open up to him and not be afraid to show her feelings. In Mid July 2004 He flew to the Gold Coast so that Sarah and him would drive to Sydney in her car and start their life as a couple in Sydney. A few days before leaving he found out that her car needed major repairs that had to be carried out before driving to Sydney but that Sarah couldn’t afford to pay so he offered to pay to get her car fixed.
She finally asked him to stay over her place on the last night before moving out. Sarah also came out with another stunning revelation the day before driving to Sydney .
So Sarah moved out of her place , her car packed with all of her personal belongings but no furniture as she sold him all of her furniture which he gave to his eldest son who lived on the Gold Coast as well. Sarah and Gerard were taking a walk when she told me that she had Herpes .Gerard was a little shocked but was trying not to show his emotions but it was a admission she should have made much earlier and certainly before they became lovers. He thought anyone with genital herpes should inform any new prospective lover before becoming intimate. He loved her, she had moved out of her apartment , she had left her job and sold her furniture but had choice but to tell her not to worry about it but also thought that Sarah should have been more honest about the situation.
CHAPTER FOUR: SYDNEY
During that 10 hours drive he didn’t think it would have been possible to have so many arguments with one person, every aspect of his driving was criticised and he was already questioning whether or not he had just made a huge mistake.
Gerard and Sarah lived in a comfortable high rise apartment with two of his children in Artarmon. The apartment was less than a kilometre from her work. They lived in that apartment for the next 3 years and he did everything he could to make her feel comfortable. Her financial contribution was non existent as she didn’t have to pay any rent, didn’t contribute for food nor any bills. He also included her in his Health insurance plan so that she could eventually get some dental treatment she needed and an surgical operation that she would have eventually in June 2006 in a private hospital in St Leonards.
During those 3 years he took her too various holiday destinations twice in Hong Kong , once in Phukett, New Caledonia, as well as Adelaide, Tasmania, Hamilton island, Cairns and Hervey Bay.
In Sydney he took her to concerts, major sporting event various shows. He bought her many gifts, jewellery, flowers like any man would do for the woman he loved.
Perhaps he may have been excessive when doing certain things, He knew she loved flowers and he had sent her oriental lilies previously when they lived on the Gold Coast, he would normally send her 3 dozens each time, not sure exactly why so many perhaps to express his love but she explained to me not to send her that many he wondered if he would ever please her.
He also cooked for her every single day except of course when I took her out to dinner. He would always try to cook something she enjoyed because he just wanted everything to be perfect for her.
He also paid for someone to come and clean the house once a week to make her life that little bit easier.
At various time she commented that they weren’t a real couple because they didn’t have a joined bank account. He didn’t see the need for a joined bank account as he paid for everything anyway as she never offered to contribute. The only expenses that he was aware of were cigarettes, and paying for the airfare for her daughter to visit them every few weeks.
Their life together was never easy but he could understand that she missed the Gold Coast so he was trying to be as understanding as possible. They had various arguments and threatened to leave many times but actually never left.
Gerard admitted that he probably was not an easy person to live with as she told him many that he was grumpy and moody at times which he admitted but sometimes Sarah would make some extraordinary statements that would really hurt him and change his mood.
Sarah had only been in Sydney a few weeks and on a Saturday night we both seemed a little bored so he suggested they’d go out and have a few drinks and maybe dance a little, her reply was simply No, so he asked why not, Sarah answered “ because I don’t want to “ . He then said : “ but Sarah you love dancing” She then replied if we go dancing, many guys will ask me to dance, you’ll get jealous and get into a fight.
The first time Gerard actually danced with Sarah was at a Bunnings function, they only danced for a short time but she commented how he had no rythm, He became so paranoid about her comments that he took some private lessons and he has always been uncomfortable to dance with Sarah ever since. Gerard may not be a good dancer but he enjoys dancing and it is something he would have liked to do on a regular basis but somehow Sarah felt uncomfortable to dance with him because he couldn’t dance. He confronted her about it and she told him that she was just been honest.
Sarah was telling him on a daily basis that she loved him but he admitted he didn’t always feel it. Words are never enough, unless they are backed by actions that match what is being said. Saying you “love” someone so much easier than really loving them. Should Sarah have claimed that she loved him when she hurts him consistently with her actions . In his book it would not be considered love.
Love is something you are sure about there is no doubt. It’s a strong feeling you can’t explain, But you know – because you can feel it. Everyone can show love, but can they feel love. He was just a romantic fool.
Love is a mindset that commits one person to engage into actions that include sacrifice, respect and compromise for the purpose of benefiting the person being loved. They are carried out with respect to the other person. Without respect, there’s no love. At various times he felt that Sarah didn’t even like me let alone love me.
He had to be so careful as had to be very quiet in the morning. He always woke up happynd if he sang he was told to shut up or to be quiet and if other people were around and he was telling jokes she would make unpleasant remarks such as “ you are not funny, cant you see people are not laughing with you they laughing at you “then very often his mood would change and would become a little sad . Gerard understood that Sarah was not a morning person so he wasn’t allowed to touch her, kiss her or hold her in any way in the morning, as a matter of fact during their seven years together not once in the morning she would stay in bed to hug and kiss . Her actions were not of someone who loved him.
Love is the feeling deep inside that tells you when you are apart that you desperately want to be back with your loved one. It is the feeling of wanting to be as one, together! One of the most important things is that Sarah and Gerard should have been each other “best friends” He always considered her before anyone else. She was his “world”, his “rock” and he always loved her unconditionally 100% of the time even when he didnt like her. Gerard wanted to tell the world that he loved Sarah and he wanted to grow old with this beautiful person. That’s what he wanted but he didn’t feel happy and thought it was because his love wasn’t returned.
In his book the only way you know someone loves you is by how much sacrifices they will put up to make you happy. Being unselfish, caring about you more than herself. It goes both ways though. If everyone thought of what would make their lover’s happy instead of what makes them happy, they’ll be a overflow of love. Love is sacrifices.
He believes and feel if Sarah loved him she wouldn’t have done anything not to hurt him. And knowing we all are imperfect he felt that if a problem was acknowledged then they should have come together with unconditional love and worked it out. They should have appreciated each other for their worth and help each other when they were in the need of one another.
Finally he didn’t feel that she loved him because he couldn’t see it in her eyes, in body language and in her attention to him. She would tell him the love he wanted only exist in movies and is not real.
Their sex life never reached the heights of our first weekend together at the Versace, Actually it became very regimented ,her favourite answer was a simple “NO” If he was feeling romantic He d say Darling lets go to bed together? She would almost always say No. He actually remembered once while holidaying in Tasmania, they were in Hobart and after a nice dinner he suggested that they’d go back to their room , Sarah replied that she wanted to play the pokies, so he replied we can play the pokies anytime, so again she replied NO I am playing the pokies so he went up to the room alone as she played the pokies the next 2 hours.
Her constant rejection started to bother him as it happened more frequently. Sometimes he would get so upset that he would leave the house and go for a drive. When he tried to discuss it he would be told not make a big deal and to build a bridge and get over it, one of her favourite expression.
There was never any spontaneity about their sex life and he soon realised that the only times she was willing to make love is when she would tell me “Can I have a massage tonight? “ . She actually made a stunning statement many times that she wouldn’t care if she never had sex again. She is not frigid and has no problems reaching an orgasm but at times he felt so paranoid about her constant rejection that he actually wondered if there was a problem with him.
Sarah and Gerard had many fights, perhaps too many fights but after a fight they always reconciled. Engaging in a sexual reconciliation after a long, gut-wrenching argument makes the entire acrimonious experience worthwhile unfortunately he never experienced “make up sex” with Sarah; Believing that pleasure and pain are inherently connected and when in pain, the endorphins are released not only to minimize pain, but also to create a sense of power and control to survive the situation. Adrenaline and dopamine levels — associated with desire — rise in the heat of the fight and serve as a substitute for foreplay, creating the perfect storm for hot sex that he wanted to experience with Sarah but never did.
Gerard admitted that he always picked on Sarah for smoking for a long time which on face value is very unfair considering that his previous wife smoked. In a matter of fact it never worried him Sarah told him when they first met that when she’ll know that they will be together forever she will give up and she would start to cut it down immediately and he thought that it was such a nice gesture that anyone would give up their habit to demonstrate their love for someone. It made him feel so special.
Gerard was actually led to believe that she had given up smoking for 3 years until one day during an argument Sarah told him that she actually never gave up but just pretended to make him happy. He thought that it was ridiculous to go to that extent and told her but she replied that he was trying to change her. It couldn’t be further from the truth, its not the smoking that bothered him it’s the broken promise, and more importantly it the lie, her demonstration of love by giving up your habit that he had found so touching was just another fake. Why lie for so long about something so petty, a lie is a lie no matter and it amount to deception. He wondered if Sarah lied about her smoking and carried on lying for so long could it be that she could lie about other things?
CHAPTER FIVE : THE GOLDIE
In May 2007 they made plans to move to the Gold Coast and actually moved in July 2007, After staying a few days at his parents Gerard and Sarah quickly found a brand new 3 bedroom townhouse and Sarah agree that she would contribute to half of the rent as her daughter was moving in with them and that he would have additional expenses as he had to commute to Sydney 3 days a week every week but he would continue to pay for all other expenses. She had also told him that she would always take him and pick him from the airport which never happened.
If his life with Sarah was bad in Sydney it was going to get much worse as they started to fall further and further apart. He was away in Sydney 3 days a week, Sarah’s lifestyle had changed a lot, gone was the cleaner, she was also being a mum again as her daughter lived with them so she had to start cooking and cleaning as well as working full time and of course for the first time she had to contribute by paying half the rent.
Gerard chose to ignore all the cracks appearing in their relationship and they bought a 3 bedroom townhouse, he came up with enough money for a deposit, stamp duty and associated expenses and she agree that she would pay half of the mortgage repayments and I continued paying for everything else although that last couple of months he stopped the weekly food shopping and would only buy what he would deemed necessary as the majority and fruits and vegetables would just end up in the bin a few days later. He continued to buy her gifts and took her to 3 more overseas holidays and had another planned in February 2011 and a trip to Vegas to get married in August next year.
CHAPTER SIX: A SAD ENDING TO A SAD RELATIONSHIP
Sarah was working hard trying to get that promotion she was promised and finally in August 2011 she became the administration manager, so to keep up with a new status she bought a brand new car on Finance and after 10 years she finally got the job she wanted.
Sarah became more arrogant at home, less interested in home duties as she spent more and more time at work and became more and more distant at home and on the 9th October 2010 after another petty argument Gerard told Sarah that we couldn’t live together anymore and that they should end their relationship now.
The next day he regretted having done what I did and I talked to Sarah about it but she made it abundantly cleared that she wasn’t interested as she wasn’t in love with him anymore, she didn’t love him anymore and that she had no feelings whatsoever for him anymore. He was deeply hurt but couldn’t understand why as it was what he had wanted for a long time. So he kept trying to win her back for the next few days until he realised that it was really finally over.
He also realised that it was the best thing that could have happened to him as he had been only a stepping stone for Sarah. She is now a much more marketable commodity, after all she is now an administration manager with a brand new car and was about to lease a brand new apartment.
Sarah asked for a financial compensation so that she could simply walk out, not worrying of the financial mess she would leave him in and within 2 days she found a brand new townhouse to lease, got a payout from him, a payout she did not fully deserve as there is very little equity in the family home as properties values have declined the last few years but she proved again that she is a very selfish woman and strangely enough all the people around her think she has been hard done by but Gerard will give Sarah the opportunity to come clean and apologise but if you are reading this now it means that she didn’t and that she had no remorse then Gerard will want his story told about this evil woman who sold her soul.
On Friday 22nd October 2010 Gerard had decided to give Sarah one last chance to show him that she had some decency left in her and that she would finally say the 3 words he wanted her to say and mean “I am sorry” Here are those notes:
GOODBYE SARAH
I will probably not say everything I think but I will definitely think everything I say
We all want to be on top of the mountain forgetting that it is how we climb that matters
A new job doesn’t make anyone a better person.
We only have the right to look down on someone when we help that person to get up
We should never forget the person we were yesterday
You must always tell what you feel and do what you think
Then everyone will know you are
Tomorrow is another day and we are all given an opportunity to make things good
It’s never too late to say you’re sorry
Take time to Say : I’m sorry, forgive me, please, thank you and all the nice words you know
Noone is going to remember you if you keep your thought secrets, force yourself to express them
Goodbye Sarah, goodbye my lover
You were the one , you were the one for me
I wanted to spend my whole life with you
I was sharing your bed but I wanted you to share my dreams
It should never have ended like this
You broke my heart, you shattered my dreams
I forgive you Sarah but your honesty is a must
and you must always be true to yourself.
So next time when you meet someone special
If you both want to be happy
All you must do is love each other
It is a simple and as difficult as that.
No lies No games then
No one gets hurt.
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNT SARAH
I’ve learned that no matter how much I cared, you just wouldn’t care back
I’ve learned that I could not make you love me. All I could do is be there to be loved. The rest was up to you.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that even when I thought I had nothing left to give, I should never have given up on you.
I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that sometimes when we’re angry we have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me us right to be cruel to each other.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other and just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other. I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease my emotional pains.
I’ve learned that I can love even if I don’t feel loved. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t have been so eager to find out a secret. it changed my life forever.
I’ve learned that I should have to put you ahead of your actions.
I’ve learned that it won’t be enough that I forgive you if you don’t believe you have nothing to be forgiven for.
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that’s only when I gave up that I lost the battle.
I’ve learned that I can’t stop loving you even when I know that you don’t love me.
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